american men

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From the last mothafuckin’ albino alligator on Earth, man. Get close enough to these mothafuckin’ shoes, and the mothafuckas might just snap at you. Yeah, the mothafuckas is that mothafuckin’ fresh, man.

Apparently, they ain’t all that fresh, cause a goddamn woman ain’t approached me all night long. What the fuck? I know the ratio sucks, but I at least expect one woman to approach me or give me a lot of eye contact. Don’t a bitch know a pimp when she sees one? These mothafuckin’ bitches must ain’t got no mothafuckin’ vision tonight, cause I knows ma mothafuckin’ pimpin’ is right.

Finally, I catch a girl looking at me. I point out another girl's shoes to her…

Me: “Don’t those look like house shoes?”

We start talking. She’s unsure. I reach down and touch them. The second girl looks up at me…

Her: "What’d you touch my shoes for?”

And I just stare back at her. Not saying a word. The first girl laughs…

Her: “You are so retarded. I can’t believe that you just did that.”

Let the ego stroking commence…

Her: “That was so funny. I didn’t think you would do it.”

I say nothing…

Her: “You are so cool. I like guys like you. You’re bold.”