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gunslingergregi PERMALINK November 16, 2009 9:21 pm Then you see people who should be smart but they think in terms of everyone else. Wierd shit.
Bhetti PERMALINK* November 16, 2009 9:36 pm The frame I’m coming from is I’ve seen how horribly wrong it gets when wife demands and feels she has rights for being a homemaker or for performing any x duty. Especially when and if she treats it as some sort of sacrifice she’s making. Especially when she neglects being sweet and lovely to him in favour of stressing about this or that.
She can’t view him as a matter of the course money object — a paycheck for performing her duties satisfactorily at the end of the month and something to complain about if not given on time — she has to feel like she needs his favour. It makes it become such a duty-based thing if she becomes too focused on the household and less on the relationship. Worse if she treats him badly, then he becomes resentful for his resources being used when he feels duty-bound to give them. It makes her unhappy as well.
This, when if she abandoned that kind of thinking, she’d act happier as well as more pleasant to him and he’d respond by making her happier too rather than tossing her aside either by ending things or by leaving her alone in spirit and only staying for the ‘sake of the children’.
It’s a voluntary gift and partnership on both sides where both get what they want. It’s dependent on them being pleasant to each other and making sure they feel happy giving to each other. It’s being clear about mutual needs and making sure they match up. Noone has or needs to talk about rights, because they’re happy to give to the other all that they can. He is making her happy by being her partner, husband, father. She is making him happy by being his wife, mother, nester. They are both fulfilling their goals of a functional and complementary union between man and woman.
Is it an idealisation, to say that part of their duties as husband and wife is ensuring they maintain the feeling that they are both doing what they freely want to do? That she should be perfectly happy at home and he at work, if that’s what they happily agreed to have things?
gunslingergregi PERMALINK November 16, 2009 9:40 pm Yea I know its pathetic that your mom punished to no end your dad about money instead of getting off her ass.
